Writing a Strong Thesis Statement

hey Indian Creek eighth-grade students it’s professor Blazek back again with another writing tutorial video in this video we’re going to be talking about step 3 in the writing process for your essay on the ones who walk away from Omelas so this comes after you have filled out your evidence chart and it is on your thesis statement so you’re probably wondering what a thesis statement is it’s something you might not have heard before but it is very very important your thesis statement is the most important sentence or could be two sentences in your essay it provides your answer to the essay prompt so the role the child plays in the City of Omaha and whether or not it would be better to free the child your thesis needs to be interesting it needs to be complex because everything that you write after your thesis in your essay is going to build upon what you say in your thesis so if you have a bland or boring thesis it’s going to be hard to make sure that everything connects back to it your thesis is also meant to grab a reader’s attention and make them want to continue reading the rest of your essay so you can think of your thesis as your entire essay your your whole idea in writing boiled down to a single idea a single sentence or two sentences and again everything you write in your essay comes back to your thesis so one way you can think of it is your thesis is the seed of a tree or plant once you plant it for the reader everything that comes after grows out of that seeds so another reason why your thesis needs to be really interesting and complex so that everything after it can grow right out of your pieces so you can see we have our thesis here and everything after it grows out of that single idea so it’s important to know where in your essay your thesis is going to be used your thesis comes at the end of your introduction paragraph so at the end of your first paragraph this way you use your introduction to introduce your topic to your reader and you give your thesis and then the rest of your essay is going to prove or explain your thesis so your goal is when your reader gets down to your introduction paragraph once they’ve finished it and they read your thesis that thesis should jump out at your reader and make them want to continue reading so some other tips when you’re writing your thesis sentence or sentences make sure your entire essay is going to connect to your thesis so for example if you’re going to talk about how the City of Omaha would fall without the child include something about that in your thesis or if you’re going to say the child is important to all us in your thesis make sure you’re going to explain why in your essay because if you mention something in your thesis that you never talk about or you bring up something in your essay that sort of just comes out of nowhere it can be very confusing for your reader now make sure that you choose the words in your thesis carefully again I can’t stress enough how important this sentence or sentences are and what often times seems like the easiest way to go is to use those Wow words like great or exciting or important you know words that make your thesis in your essay sound really really special but actually don’t say a whole lot so instead of using words like those choose words that are more specific or include more specific facts or ideas so instead of just saying the child is important to own the last mention a little bit about why the child is important don’t just say oh the child is very important give your reader a little preview as to why the child is important and never never ever ever mention my essay or this essay in your thesis statement or otherwise this is not a good habit to get into your reader knows that they’re reading an essay so you don’t need to remind them that they’re reading an essay so please please please do not ever mention my essay or this essay at any point in your writing so now here are some example thesis statements that will hopefully give a little bit more information on what I mean by a complex and informative thesis statement so if you were to write an essay on Michael Jordan a poor thesis statement would be that Michael Jordan was a great basketball player for the Chicago Bulls okay number one there is not much information other than that he was a basketball player who played for the Bulls in that sentence and you use that great which is one of those words that like I said before sounds really important like it jumps out at you reader that he was a great player but it it doesn’t do much as far as explaining why he was a great basketball player now a sentence that would be a little bit better would be after winning six championships with the Chicago Bulls Michael Jordan has become known as the best basketball player of all time so in this sentence you give one of his accomplishments and describing Michael Jordan as the best basketball player of all time is better than a great player but still winning six championships wouldn’t be enough to name a player is the best ever there needs to be more and in this thesis there needs to be more information so a really good strong thesis statement on Michael Jordan would be this final one an NCAA champion at North Carolina the owner of six NBA championships eight scoring titles and numerous other awards and Records Michael Jordan’s extraordinary career sets him above every other basketball player of all time this thesis gives a lot more information and when you say that he had an extraordinary career and sets him apart from every other player of all time the rest of the information in your thesis really backs that up and then you can expand upon that in your essay so your reader knows exactly what information you’re going to touch upon so now if we jump back into your evidence chart you can see that if I scroll down I have all five pieces of evidence I’ve got my lead-ins I’ve got my support I’ve completed step two so now I can come back up here to the prior page to step three which is your thesis and again this just reminds you a little bit that your thesis is the most important sentence essentially your essay boiled down into a single thought and so you need to put some time and effort into coming up with a really good thesis sentence or two and you can look back at your claim because your thesis is going to be different from your claim your claim is more just getting your original thoughts down about the prompt your thesis is taking the time to really get your idea of the essay into a sentence or two so if I was going to write a thesis for this essay I could say something like a child takes all of the misery of oum alas the child should be free now this does touch on the two parts of the prompt but this is an example of a thesis sentence that would be very underwhelming like you took about as little effort as you could to answer the two parts of the prompt and your reader would probably be very underwhelmed by reading this and not really understand where the rest of your essay is gonna go so why don’t why don’t we take another shot at writing a thesis so why don’t we say the City of Omaha needs a child to live in misery for all others to be happy this is a very sad situation and it would be better if the citizens decided to breathe the child from it’s sad life now this thesis been looking at it is stronger than the one we had before but still does not do as good of a job as it could in setting up the rest of the essay so you didn’t really explain a whole lot about why the city needs the child and using the word sad is another one of those words kind of like great or amazing or outstanding that would be better if you just gave an example of the sadness around the situation instead of just saying that the child had a sad situation so why don’t we take one more shot at this I I know I’m gonna get this one of these times why don’t we say in the ones who walk away from Omelas in otherwise perfect society defined by joy innovation and communal goodwill relies upon a single child to be locked away to a life of misery this child’s hopelessness in existence maintains the lives of all other citizens of Omaha and it is for this reason that it would be a grave mistake for the child to ever be freed that looks like a very strong and informative and engaging thesis you introduce a little bit about the society that it would be perfect if it were not for the single child you give some characteristics of the society and you also mention your take on whether or not it would be better for the child to be free by saying that everybody else in the society is maintained by this child’s suffering and it would be a big mistake if the child were to be freed you have a number of things that you can expand upon in your essay in your thesis so the third step again in your writing process writing a thesis it’s a sentence or two the most important information in your essay everything boiled down into this single idea and only once you have come up with a really strong and interesting thesis should you be ready to move on to the next step of the writing process so really take your time come up with a great great thesis and then you’re setting yourself up to write an excellent essay so I hope this video has been helpful this is Professor Blazek again signing off and I wish you all good luck in coming up with amazing thesis statements

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